Kathy said around evening on November 25, 2008

So, remember all that stuff I said about having house guests for Thanksgiving and all the mushy picnic table talk?  Well scratch that.  My guests have called and canceled at the last minute.  I won’t get into why or whether I’m surprised (which honestly, I’m not) but in light of this new development that leaves interesting things to ponder.  Such as…

What the hell am I going to do with a 19 lb turkey? There is two of us and a 3 year old… had I known I would have gotten a small turkey breast and called it a day.  But now there is the inconvenient truth of the thawing 19 pounder in my fridge.  I’ve gotten a couple good suggestions on what to do with it:

1. Donate it to a soup kitchen (I could, I would.. but its far and that’s not fun..)
2. Throw it off the 2nd story deck into the backyard
3. Drag it behind my car around the neighborhood
4. Put children’s clothes on it and tie it to the front of our golf cart and drive it to Target
5. Re-freeze it and then let it skid down our very steep hill of a street into the cul-de-sac and repeat as needed
6. Cook it and eat turkey sandwiches until I can’t look at turkey ever again (likely but again with the non-fun)
7. Paint it to look like a rock and hide it in a neighbors garden
8. Name it, put it in a stroller and walk it around telling people I had another baby .. then watch their reactions
9. Hang it on the front door like a holiday wreath
10. Bring it to a nail salon and ask them to give it a pedicure
11. Put it under my shirt and pretend to give birth in the parking lot of the grocery store (suggestion courtesy of Joelle)

Obviously, this is still a rough draft… I welcome your humble recommendations.